Letting go of bitterness

   Lately I have been thinking a lot about bitterness, and how it eats away at us.  Probably most of us have met someone we would describe as a "bitter or resentful" person and I seriously doubt that you think of them as a particularly pleasant person.  No one has goals of becoming bitter, it's not something we strive towards.  You never hear someone say, "I wish I was more patient, and strong, bitter."  Just the word brings unpleasant thoughts to mind (unless referring to beer, and even then it's matter of taste.)  The interesting thing about bitterness is that it usually starts as a hurt or wrong towards this person.  You would think that since they are the victim, not the aggressor, that they would feel justified in their "righteous anger,"that it would be a fair response to poor treatment.  Often we do feel justified in our anger and resentment, but that justification doesn't bring with it the health we seek, instead it brings just the opposite.   It brings a corruption of spirit that destroys us from the inside out.
    So, where does bitterness and resentment come from and how can we stop it?  The answer is both simple and extremely complex.  I believe that we can only get rid of bitterness by doing what we refused to do in the first place, by forgiving.  I think sometimes we feel that a person doesn't deserve forgiveness, and they probably don't, but that is not the point.  It's not really about them, it's about us and where our hearts are at.
      In Matthew 6:14-15 it says "For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses."  
       That's pretty intense.  Harsh even, one might say.  However, I don't think that God says this just because he wants to be mean, I think we says it because when we live with unforgiveness in our lives we invite evil to live inside us and he physically cannot be around evil, it is against his nature.  If we want to be people filled with Love it it is imminent that we be free of unforgiveness. 
        Forgiveness is hard.  It can be painful because it requires us to bring up past hurts and to let them go.  I have often heard people say "If you knew what I've been through you wouldn't ask me to forgive them" but I think that speaks even more of the need to forgive.  The bigger the thing we are holding onto the more power it has over us.
      Here's the problem though.  We might know we need to forgive, we might even be willing to forgive, but we just don't know how to do it.  We all know that true forgiveness is much more than saying the words "I forgive you."  It's unlocking those hurts and digging them out by the roots.  I think we start with the words and then ask the holy spirit to change our hearts.
       What if you are still being hurt by this person?  That's a tricky situation.  I think it's important to differentiate between forgiving and trusting.  We are called to forgive everyone, but we are not called to trust everyone.  Sometimes forgiveness means that while we forgive someone we still must remove ourselves from this cancerous relationship.  It might be temporary, or it might be permanent.  I think sometimes all we can do after we have forgiven, and offered this forgiveness to them if necessary, is to pray for them.  It may seem like it would take a miracle, but God is in the practice of miracles.  He also is the King of restoration.  He loves to fix broken things and broken people and to make them whole.  And that is something worth rejoicing over.