Well there's nothing like a new year to prompt us to reflect on the past and look forward to the future. As this is the beginning of a new decade I decided to go further than the past year and do a whole decade in review. These past ten years have been some of the most significant in my life. The biggest changes, the biggest challenges and the deepest joys. This is an unfiltered glimpse into the past ten years, where I've been and where we are now. I wrote it in large part for myself as a sort of self-reflection, but find so much value in being real and genuine with people and letting them into my life, even when it's not pretty. So here are my unpolished, unapologetic reflections of the past ten years.
January 2010
Location: Sheridan, OR in a weird little apartment above a huge shop.
Children: 0
Job: Michelle worked at McMinnville Montessori school as an assistant teacher.
Seth worked for his dad at Finley Woodworking, building and installing cabinets.
Newly married, Seth and I had just spent our first Christmas together married. We had started dating on Dec. 31st 2008 and got married 08/08/09. We knew each other for years, but had zero interest in one another for most of those years. The Lord changed that. In a heart beat I went from "Seth's a good friend." to "Seth's a
really good friend." And then we were married.
This year was both amazing and super challenging. We had a roommate living with us almost as soon as we got married which was both good and hard. Seth and I grew a lot as a couple, learning about one another and working on our communication skills! Whenever Seth and I take personality tests we are complete and total opposites. It works, we complement each other well, but it takes a lot of good communication to make it work well.
Half way through the year I got promoted to head teacher of the after school care classroom. I loved this, having my own classroom and my own space. It was a really wonderful place to work. We also moved into a cute little house owned by some of our friends (still in Sheridan) and gained a couple more roommates.
January 2011:
Location: Sheridan, OR in the Walton's little house.
Children: 6 months pregnant with our first
Job: Michelle was the head teacher for the after school care class at McMinnville Montessori School and Seth worked for Finley WoodWorking.
Having gotten married in our mid to late 20's and already having lived on our own for several years, Seth and I decided to start a family right off the bat. On March 19th 2011, after four days of labor, I gave birth via C-section, and welcomed Mikaiah Eleanor Finley into our family. 7lbs 13oz. She was just perfect. From the moment he saw her, Seth was smitten. Their bond was instantaneous and permanent- it has not wavered. I quit my job a week before having Mikaiah to become a stay at home mom, something I had always wanted to do, but at times feared I would never get to do. And just like that, life changed.
When Mikaiah was 4 months old we left Sheridan and moved to Corvallis, OR with 6 other families to help start The Hive Communities, small churches focused on community. I'm not a big one for change, having lived in the same home for the first 21 years of my life - but moving with friends helps. And moving only an hour away helps even more.
January 2012:
Location: Corvallis, OR Living in "the little blue trailer" in the Twin Oaks trailer park. 600 square feet and no roommates!
Number of children: Mikaiah 9 mo
Job: Red Beard Building LLC. - Seth left Finley Woodworking and started his own contracting business.
This was the beginning of a rough couple of years for us. We had had a child, moved to a new city - which we love, and started a new business. Towards the end of February, when Mikaiah was just 11 months old, I was experiencing a lot of pain and ended up in the ER. I didn't know it at the time, but I had just had my first miscarriage. I didn't even know I was pregnant beforehand, and they didn't tell me at the hospital. Later after having other miscarriages it became clear that was had happened, but at the time I just kind of let it go.
Then in May I found out I was pregnant again, hurray! I was sick, but happy to have a little one on the way. Also, my brother was getting married to an amazing woman. Things were going well. Three days before the wedding I began to bleed and that night I lost the baby. This one hit me hard. They say not to tell people you're pregnant until 12 weeks because if you lose the baby it will be awkward, but let me tell you, when you lose a baby and then have to tell close friends both that you were pregnant and lost the baby (because I am a verbal processor and need my peeps to help me figure things out) it really sucks. Still in a lot of pain physically, I was a bridesmaid in my brothers wedding, and it was lovely. But it was also really hard, I had really wanted to tell family at the wedding we were expecting and instead mostly I said nothing. I lay in bed in my mother's house, staring at the empty crib where my now toddler used to sleep. I had imagined this new little one taking her place, and now this "would be" baby was gone. I cried.
Six weeks later something happened I didn't know was possible, I found out I was pregnant. Two days later I lost the baby. I began to feel I would never have another child and the sight of a pregnancy test sent me into a frenzy of emotions. It was both my hope and my biggest fear.
The thing about miscarriages is that people don't really know how to respond to you, perhaps this is true of grief in general. Most responses people give are either unhelpful or unintentionally hurtful, but the thought behind them is felt. Grief can be like that, it's hard to help friends who are grieving but ignoring them makes it even worse. We need one another, and at times like this perhaps we need each other the most. I have a pretty amazing support system of friends and family and a God who never lets me go. His faithfulness was surely felt during this painful summer. For while there was pain and loss there was joy as well.
Somewhere in this journey I learned that there was a chance my body couldn't process folic acid, so I started taking folate and in October discovered I was once again expecting. Though I was a little fearful, I also had hope, and as the months rolled by and the baby continued to grow, so did the expectation that everything would be okay.
One of my dear friends who prayed with me so often and supported me so faithfully was Sarah Nichols. I had known Sarah since I was 12, at first as a mentor and later as a dear friend as well. Seth and I were even married at their house in Amity. Sarah and her husband Kevin were one of the couples who moved with us to Corvallis to start the Hive. We were lucky enough to live just a few trailers down from this special family. During this time, Sarah was herself fighting cancer, but having just had surgery to remove it I felt the worst was behind her. I was wrong.
Something else I should mention about 2012 is that while Seth and I had always enjoyed camping and had gone on many trips even after having Mikaiah, we always wished we would do it more and living in a tiny house made getting out that much more pertinent. So in January we opened up the calendar and planned 12 (or more) trips - at least one per month. In February and December we would stay in a yurt, but November, January and March were our cold camping months. This made a world of difference for us. Seth is a project guy. At home, he's always working on a project. For fun or necessity, if he's there, he's doing it. Also, our home was so small there wasn't a lot of room to just "hang out." I needed some quality family time where we were all together, and we both wanted to be out in the woods more. Camping had always been something we both loved together, and bonus, it is cheap. It was the best New Years resolution we've ever made, which is probably why we continued it for quite a while.
January 2013:
Location: Corvallis, OR
Children: Mikaiah 1 1/2, and 3 months pregnant.
Job: Red Beard Building LLC
This year is a precious one in my books. It was really, really hard, but also very special. In fact, it was quite possibly the hardest year in my life, yet it was beautiful all the same.
I started the year off by turning 30 years old, which I was more than ready for. We spent time with friends, we watched the church grow and we relished in watching our daughter grow and change. With both my mother and Seth's mother about an hour away we had some great family times together. Mikaiah was an easy going toddler, who turned 2 March 19th 2013. She was excited to meet her new sister and so were we. One of my closest friends, Amelia Vaage, lived just two houses away with her own daughter, just two months younger than Mikaiah. The two have been inseparable from birth. We took many trips to the beach and the Aquarium together, took walks downtown, and spent time visiting with Sarah. My sister, Ardith, had also moved in to the trailer park from Seattle and it was a pleasure to have her. Yes, the trailer park was turning into one big happy family. As the months wore on however, Sarah's cancer returned and was getting worse. Time passed and my due date grew close. I still had hopes for a v-bac (vaginal birth after cesarean) but knew it wasn't likely. July 1st came and with it so did Sequoia Madeline Sarah Finley. My wonderful, strong, willful child who brought joy to our lives and a (loud) song to our hearts. I had assumed that once this child was finally born, life would adjust and resume pretty much as it had before I was pregnant, only this time with two children. Mikaiah had been an easy baby, though my milk supply had issues and had to be supplemented at 6 weeks. Sequoia, however wonderful, was not an easy baby. She wasn't gaining weight and my milk supply was failing me. I would feed her, and pump, and change diapers (on two children) then feed and pump some more. Still recovering from what had become a second c-section (not traumatic, but still hard to recover from) all this took a toll on me. We continued much as usual, camping with friends and family, spending time at the river or the park, visiting Sarah, praying for her healing, and generally continued to enjoy life as much as possible. I got to introduce Sarah to Sequoia, who bears her name, and though she was weak, she got to hold Sequoia for a whole hour. This was amazing considering the shape she was in, her body broken down from months of fighting this disease, slowly betraying her day by day. I will never forget sitting next to Sarah in an armchair watching Mikaiah stuff acorns into her shirt as she played on the floor and chuckling as Sequoia slept in the Sarah's peaceful embrace- a look of absolute bliss on her face. Sarah was never a "baby" person per se, but these two were a match made in heaven. As I left that day she turned to me and said "thank you for naming her after me." She probably said it for my benefit, the ever gracious person that she is, but it meant so much to me. Those were the last words I ever heard her say, though I did get to see her one last time right before leaving on our annual family reunion camping trip. I held her hand as she lay listlessly on the bed, unmoving, unspeaking and as I left the house and drove to our camp ground I cried the whole way. Mikaiah kept asking me what was wrong and I just kept crying. I called Seth at work and told him he should visit her before coming out, and he did. It was both heartbreaking and beautiful. Over the next few days as she took her last breaths we prayed for her and their family, we shared memories, we laughed and we cried. On August 2nd 2013 she went to be with Jesus, her suffering was over.
Oh friends. I know I'm not the only one who faced this grief, or others like it, but as I think of that summer it feels otherworldly. Somehow managing to keep my children alive and move through life one day at a time, sustained only by the Lord's grace and strength in my life. I now know that I was also struggling with Post Partum depression. Moving as though through molasses, trying to make it through each day. The most mundane tasks seeming insurmountable. I assumed I was just sad because of Sarah's death and that it wasn't PPD, but I don't think our brains separate things like that. All the things that I was dealing with; a new baby, the passing of a friend, a poor milk supply and a needy toddler were lumped together like last weeks potluck thrown in a Tupperware container and somehow I needed to navigate it. I wish I had talked to my doctor about all of this, but I just didn't get it. I honestly didn't see how bad it was until I was halfway out. I did have a lot of support with my nursing, and still tear up when I think of our wonderful pediatrician and nurse who walked with me through this and my subsequent babies so faithfully. We have this amazing nurse, Jan, who even came to my house several times to help. An angel here on earth, I am convinced. Also, the love and support I received from friends and family was overwhelming. Amelia actually stepped in and would nurse her for me when I had nothing left (mentally, emotionally, and physically.). She gave my baby what I couldn't, and gave me the break I so desperately needed, though dealing with difficult situations of her own. My mother and mother in- law both took Mikaiah multiple times and would come and do whatever was needed. Seth stepped it up as well. This guy was born to be a dad, he is so good with our children. And little by little. Step by step, things got better.
January 2014:
Location: Corvallis, OR - trailer park
Children: Mikaiah 2 1/2, and Sequoia 6 months
Job: Red beard building LLC
This year brought with it one of my favorite things...snow! Lots of snow. At one point we had almost 18 inches, which for the Willamette Valley, is a LOT. There were snowmen, and sledding and general merriment. (Avery Park, just a few blocks from our home, has one of the best hills for sledding with children - steep enough to be fun but doesn't take 20 minutes to climb back up, and it's no where near the roads.) We continued to spend time camping, but after a full two and a half years of once a month camping we decided to cut out the winter month obligations and camp once a month May through September/October. Although we enjoyed the unique experiences we had in the off months, and had some really special trips, mostly we would sit there willing the weather to be warmer! The first year we camped we had almost no rain. Even in the winter, if it did rain it was just for part of a day. It was amazing. The second year however seemed to rain every single trip, even in the summer. Even as Oregonians who are used to the rain, this gets old. Cleaning up wet and muddy gear is the worst, and having to dry out your huge tent inside your tiny trailer is as fun as you imagine it would be! We did continue to camp in yurts once or twice in the winter, however.
In June I became pregnant and then lost the baby in July. In August I was pregnant again, this time with what would be my only son. From the moment I saw the pregnancy test say positive, I somehow knew we would get to meet this baby.
January 2015:
Location: Corvallis, but moved to Philomath Feb. 2015
Children: Mikaiah 3 1/2, Sequoia 1 1/2 and 6 months pregnant
Job: Red Beard Building LLC
This year was a bit of a turning point for me. I had been taking Mikaiah to a parent/child preschool (Healthy Sprouts) which just happened to consist almost entirely of moms who attended this moms group called H.O.M.E. which stands for Helping Our Moms Excel. It meets on Tuesday mornings at Northwest Hills Community Church. One of the moms in healthy sprouts invited me right away but it took me a few weeks to visit. I was so nervous, but this group of 60+ moms is pretty exceptional. I think I love it so much for several reasons. First, there is great child care. For two care free hours my kids are loved on and cared for by people other than myself. I desperately needed a break, and here, I had one. Also, during that time I sat around a table with 6-8 other women and got the much needed reminder that I was not alone. I made some good friends, and ate some good food. This was a place of peace and I was ready to soak it up. Due to scheduling it took me another month or so to be able to go again, and then I was hooked. The support this diverse group of ladies gives is phenomenal. Five years in and I still look forward to it every week.
On April 21st, 2015 Stirling Seth Patrick Finley was born, making it c-section #3.
In September Mikaiah started preschool at an LBCC cooperative preschool. She loved school immediately and Sequoia enjoyed tagging along as I volunteered every couple of weeks. It was great.
January 2016:
Location: 261 20th Place, Philomath, OR
Children: Mikaiah 4 1/2, Sequoia 2 1/2, and Stirling 8 months
Job: Red Beard Building LLC
At this point, we were living in a much bigger home right next to some pretty amazing neighbors. Some friends of ours had been living in this manufactured home (ironically, owned by other mutual friends) but they had purchased and remodeled a home of their own and were moving on. We were asked if we'd like the house and we jumped at the chance. Life was getting easier. Sequoia still wasn't sleeping through the night, but Stirling, my youngest at the time, was. From birth Stirling has been one of the most chill people on the planet. It takes a lot to ruffle his feathers. Sequoia can do it, she has skills, but it takes a lot! Sequoia was getting to be more and more fun as well as her personality emerged. She loved to dress herself, often wearing multiple dresses and swimsuits all at the same time. Mikaiah was taking ballet with her bestie, Elowen, and loving it. That summer we decided to take a road trip to Iowa to celebrate the wedding of one of our long time friends, Pete Nichols. The drive over was painful. I thought it would be a good idea to drive at night so our kids would sleep and then sleep during the day, but our kids just woke up in the middle of the night and cried. For hours. It was horrible. After 2 1/2 days we finally made it. Even though I had been questioning our sanity on the way there, the trip was wonderful. We celebrated Sequoia's 3rd Birthday the day after we arrived, July 1st, and they were married the next day. On the 3rd of July we left and drove to my Aunt's house in Highlands Ranch, CO. We spent the whole day with her and my cousins, and my cousins daughter, hanging out and relaxing. Seth got to go visit the distillery my cousin worked at while my Aunt and I took the kids to the park. It was a much needed break. That evening we had an amazing 4th of July BBQ and watched fireworks from the roof. On the 5th we started a much slower journey home, spending several days and visiting Yellow Stone National Park for the first time in my life. This was a great trip, though halfway though I started throwing up a bit. A bad combo of travel foodwas my first thought, a week later I would discover I was wrong. Baby #4 was on her way. This was intentional, but it didn't matter, I was tired and exhausted and emotionally run down. I cried off and on for a week. Then a few weeks later Mikaiah started kindergarten at Clemens Primary School and shortly after Sequoia started preschool, and all was right with the world again.
January 2017
Location: 261 20th Pl. Philomath, OR
Children: Mikaiah 5 1/2, Sequoia 3 1/2, Stirling 1 1/2, and 6 month pregnant.
Job: Red Beard Building LLC
As the new year dawned, things were going well. The girls were enjoying school and I was trying to appreciate this, my last pregnancy. I love having children, but, truth be told, I kind of hate being pregnant. It's just so uncomfortable, and for someone who needs a lot of alone time in-utero babies are really inconsiderate about this. They just don't care. Still, I wouldn't trade it for anything.
On March 7th, 2017 Eowyn Florence Hope Finley was born, and my baby carrying journey was at an end. After Sequoia was born, and we knew all our babies would be c sections, I knew that when we were done having kids I wanted to have my tubes tied right after the c-section. So, just as planned, this is what we did. I was so thrilled! Seriously folks, I could have thrown a tube removal party for myself I was so happy. Just knowing that this was our family, that it was complete, and I could mentally and physically move on was so helpful to me. What I wasn't expecting was the grief that came. The day after Eowyn was born was a happy one. Those first few days after a baby is born are always my favorite, a cute baby, Seth changes all the diapers, older kids are with grandparents and an endless supply of cheesecake, what more could a girl you ask for?!? There was a moment however, when I was holding Eowyn and I looked at Seth and it just struck me for some reason that this was the very last time. I turned to Seth and said "I can't have any more babies." And then I got all choked up. He looked at me, confused. "I thought that was the point," he said. And it was. And I wasn't sorry. And I still don't want more children, even in the moment I knew I didn't want more children. But what I had forgotten in my haste to survive these early years is just how precious it is to simply be able to carry these children and then to give birth and raise them to be these amazing little people. I had waited all my life to have children, and now I had them. And I was done. I am so grateful I realized this as soon as I did because it helped me to say goodbye to this part of my life in a very healthy way. At H.O.M.E. group a few months before this, a grief counselor had come in to talk about all different kinds of grief and healthy ways to deal with them. This really helped me to have the tools I needed to recognize this, and to say goodbye to my child bearing years, knowing how special they were to me, and then move forward. To be thankful that despite the struggle, and my miscarriages, I had been blessed with four healthy, happy, children. Something many families can only dream of. Even in the midst of all this I had several friends that were dealing with infertility struggles while other were dealing with the loss of their children, something I can't even fathom. Some were miscarriages while others infants or toddlers, still to this day I ache for them and their losses, and yet even there in that dark place, the Lord met them.
In the summer of 2017 we had another significant event happen, we were able to purchase our first home! Over a couple of months we were in contract, working on buying this home. It was far from smooth and we ended up having to put a lot of work into the foundation before the sale was even complete, but October 7th we signed the papers and later that week we moved in! Two miles out of Philomath on 3.7 acres of land, with a large shop for Seth and a shed for me, this rustic little home was made just for us. We could feel the Lord's favor on us every step of the way, even as "we" dug out dirt from the crawl space hour after hour. Mikaiah continued to go to Clemens Primary school for first grade and now took the bus to and from school each day. Hurray for buses!
January 2018
Location: Hwy 20, Philomath, OR
Children: Mikaiah 6 1/2, Sequoia 4 1/2, Stirling 2 1/2 and Eowyn 9 months
Job: Red Beard Building LLC
Life continues, the kids made some big steps in learning to swim while attending lessons at Osborn Aquatic Center, and life in general keeps moving along relatively smoothly.
In May I made a big change for myself. I went to Burn Bootcamp Corvallis to attend a free 14 day trial out of the blue and ended up signing a year agreement. I continued to go faithfully all year long, pushing myself and causing growth in many areas of my life. This has been such a blessing to me, and in turn, to my family.
Ever since the kids were little my mom has come to visit every Tuesday, driving the hour from McMinnville to spend the day with me. Well, the first two years or so it was for Bible Quiz practice, she would come early and hang out with me and then lead quiz practice in the afternoon. When she quite leading Bible Quiz she just kept coming, to the joy of myself and my children. When my dad was home from working on a ship (he spent 8 weeks on a Navy supply ship, run by merhcant marines, working as a mechanic on one of two helicopters) he would often join us. Now that he has retired (in Sept. 2019) he still often comes, we love this. One thing my mom and I started doing in early 2018 was working on jig saw puzzles almost every week, though we take most of the summer off. I don't know why, but I enjoy this so much. Sometimes it's the only way I ever see anything get accomplished. As a mom who cooks and cleans over and over again without results that stick sometimes you just need to do something where you can make head way.
In the fall Sequoia started Kindergarten at Clemens and Mikaiah started the 2nd grade at Philomath Elementary School. I decided to spend a year teaching a small preschool at my home for Stirling and some friends children. We had 6-7 students and it was a fun opportunity to practice my teaching skills once again. However, a few months in it became quite clear that for Stirling it would work much better if he were in an environment that wasn't his home (everything anyone used was "his" and he was "sharing," even when purchased for the preschool, and with a teacher who wasn't his mom.
January 2019
Location: Hwy 20, Philomath, OR
Children: Mikaiah 7 1/2, Sequoia 5 1/2, Stirling 3 1/2 and Eowyn 1 1/2
Job: Red Beard Building LLC
So this brings us, finally, to this past year. This has been one of great growth for us. Mikaiah started the 3rd grade and is turning into quite the reader, a girl after my own heart. She loves to rider her bike, play games, and is learning to shoot her bow - just like her papa. Mikaiah also started sewing lessons this year with her Granny (Finley) and is in love with the hobby! She looks forward to spending this special time with Granny every chance she gets!
Sequoia also loves playing games and relishes any one on one time she can get out of Seth and I. She has a great sensee of how things should be and is a naturally organized person - though that doesn't seem to apply to her room! After much prayer and meeting with her teacher we decided to have Sequoia (who only turn 6 in July) to repeat Kindergarten this year. I have never regretted this decision, it's so clearly what she needed. She has jumped leaps and bounds from where she was last year. We're so proud of her. She's really working on her problem solving skills and learning how to control her anger which seems to come on so strong. I can see her actively working on changing her behavior. I know this is hard for her and I love her all the more for it. It takes a lot of work to change our automatic responses to things, but it is possible. I think she's finally learning this for herself.
Stirling, what do I say about this kid? He's fantastic. He started Next Steps preschool with his best friend Calvin and is doing great. Although circle time is not his favorite, sitting still has never been his strong suit. Stirling has a knack for cutting open his head, it seems to be connected to his not sitting still attributes. He has now had stitches on his forehead twice and also on his ear. He has had staples on the back of his head as well as Glue. When he goes to the ER they give him a stuffed animal and yesterday I heard him say "Next time I'm going to ask for the fox one." Oh brother! I sure hope there's no next time. He is one resilient kid. He's also hilarious, if you need a laugh just hang out with this guy, he'll have you in stitches (hopefully not literally.)
Eowyn has now completely left the baby stages behind. With only potty training to finish before leaving toddler hood behind as well. My baby is growing up too fast, but I'm soaking it in. Never have I seen someone so quick to smile and easy to laugh. She brings joy into all our lives and has truly pulled us together as a family, especially her siblings.
Seth and I celebrated our 10th anniversary this summer. I never thought I'd marry this guy, but boy am I glad I did. The Lord knew I needed him in my life. This fall Seth got the chance to start a major remodel on our kitchen. It's about 90% done and has been a night and day difference in the functionality of the kitchen. This is one skilled guy. He is also one of the hardest working people I know and it's a pleasure to work beside him. I can't wait to see what the Lord has in store for us this next decade.
Before I close I did want to add that there are many significant events that happened over these ten years that I didn't have to time to include. Most significantly, we said goodbye to many of our grandparents. My Grandpa LeRoy Stewart, my Grandmother Mildred (Millie) Stewart, Seth's grandpa Willard Finley and my Grandfather Victor E. Bitter. Each of these wonderful people played a huge roll in our lives and are greatly missed.
We were also able to go on several great trips to San Diego, Ca , Antioch, Ca and Idaho, along with numerous trips back to our old stomping grounds of Bend, Oregon. Giving our children the opportunity to know their great granparents, great Aunts and Uncles and other people who have made such an impact in our lives has been a great pleasure.
And to each of my dear, dear friends who stood with me through thick and thin, who held my hand, made me meals, floated the river with me, camped out it in tents, enjoyed my children with me, reminded me to enjoy time to myself, who prayed for me and loved on me when I was lovable and when I was not...Thank you. I would not be where I am if it were not for you.
And to Seth...thank you for being such an unsinkable rock. I love you.
As for resolutions...Seth and I are doing as many push ups as we can (on toes) every single day. I am up to 23. I also am trying to write a little bit every day, whether in my journal, a letter to a friend, or in a blog, doesn't matter....just write, everyday. And we have decided to be bowlers! Not great bowlers, just people who bowl. Usually with our kids, which means with bumpers, which gives us much higher scores than we would normally have. I for one got a big ol' 118 the other day when I would normally get a 69. See what I mean? Not good, just fun. But, we now have bowling shoes and that makes us bowlers.
