Tuesday, May 16, 2017

This morning

This morning I was going to wake up early.  This morning I was going to sit down in my favorite chair and have a cup of coffee and read my bible, write in my journal and soak in the quiet while enjoying the warmth of the pellet stove.  This morning did not go as planned.   While I did wake up earlier than normal, it was not early enough.  Sequoia beat me to my favorite chair and Mikaiah was close behind.  Not giving up yet I got them breakfast and poured my coffee.  Stirling woke up and I started over, dressing, feeding, cleaning up, etc.  I helped Mikaiah get ready for school, gave her a kiss and waved goodbye as she got in my friend's car for her ride to school.  I relented and handed Sequoia the ipad to watch a show and thought "Now I will have my quiet time, I will get it done!"  And then Stirling came.  He climbed on my lap, bouncing around and demanding my attention.  I diligently ignored him and read my devotional.  He grabbed my journal and pen and started writing in it and I almost scolded him, but did not .  He elbowed me and pulled the sunglasses off my head (they serve more as a headband than sunglasses on days like today.)  I felt frustrated and turned to put him down and then he looked at me with a huge smile on his face, silently begging me to let him stay.  And I did.  I put down my book and let my coffee grow cold.  I pushed out of my mind all the things I "should" be doing.  I took a selfie of us cuddling together and started to post it, and then put that down too.  I was present.  We giggled and laughed and I picked up a book to read to him.  Then I picked up another.  I didn't rush and I didn't look at the dishwasher, still waiting to be unloaded.  I ignored the shoe under the coffee table and the blankets waiting to be put away.  We enjoyed each other's company, and then, and only then, after a good twenty minutes or more Stirling climbed down and went to go play.  Then I picked up my journal and contemplated the morning, and this is what I wrote:
Father,
    Today this is what my quiet time looks like.  It looks like sacrificing my own agenda to love on my son.  It looks like scribbles and bent pages.  It looks like patience.  It looks like knees kicking me accidentally in the stomach and wet kisses on my cheek.  It smells like oatmeal and sour milk.  It sounds like happy chuckling and feels like memories being made.  It looks like love.  And today it's enough.  

This morning did not go how I planned, it went way better.  I didn't do what I thought I should do, but I did what I needed to do.  I didn't have quiet time, but I felt the Lord's presence more clearly than during most of my quiet times.  I was able to put myself and my own expectations out of the equation and the Lord met me there. My house is still not clean, and I don't care.  This morning was a good morning. 

Thursday, January 12, 2017

Choosing contentment inspite of our circumstances

     Another year has come and gone, and with it the familiar vents of "what a horrible year that was, hope this next one is better."  I don't believe the year ever really ends without this, for we have an uncanny ability to forget the good and to see only the bad always wishing things were better, but unable to see very well when they are.
      Every year is different and holds its own challenges;  personally, politically, and globally. Every year natural disasters happen, people die - some of them famous people, most of them not, but affecting us all the same.  Scandals abound and people in high up places make bad decisions.  Some of them effect us directly and some of them have the potential to, while others simply hang over us like a shadow.  People are elected and removed from election, laws are changed and bills are passed.  For better or worse, these things effect us.
        People are also born.  Kindnesses are shown.  Memories are made.  People show love and care even to those they don't know and lives are changed.  People meet.  People fall in love.  People marry and new families begin.  Babies are born  and change those families in amazing ways as they live, learn and grow.  Milestones are met, life changes are made.  Consequences abound, both from the decisions we make as well as the decisions made by others, resulting in circumstances both good and bad in our lives.
        This is the journey we are on.  It's called life.  Over the ages it never really changes much, though the circumstances of it do.  The reality  is that what this new year offers us is one part new situations, challenges and blessings and 3 parts how we respond to those situations.  The sum of these parts is eventually how we end up feeling about how the year has gone, and how we feel about our lives in general.
      Personally, the more I focus on the negative things that have happened, are happening or (worse yet) could happen the more negative my perspective becomes and the more gloomy my future looks.  However, I have an opportunity in these exact same situations to choose to listen to the holy spirit and ask for his guidance.  I can choose to love instead of hate.  I can choose to serve instead of asking to be served and I can choose to bless instead of curse. 
       Being justified in bitterness or resentment doesn't mean it's a good idea.  Though it may seem deserved those are not the things that bring restore life, they just draw in more bitterness and unforgiveness, slowly eating us from the inside out.   Instead, by choosing daily to forgive, to have hope, and find joy in our circumstances, we bring about contentment. Contentment changes our lives from the inside out as well, but instead of eating us up it brings forth a joy and love that mere circumstances can't take away.   The kind acts of strangers helping out at a grocery store, a lovely picture drawn for me by one of my daughters, a fun evening playing cards with friends, or an encouraging card in the mail just when you need it most. Choosing to look past our own circumstances and to reach out to others naturally puts us in a place where we are more able to receive and appreciate the blessings that already  abound in our lives.   Looking around to see what God is doing in my life and asking him how I can take part in it,  these are ways I find joy, contentment, and life in a changing world full of uncertainty and despair.
      I recognize, even as I write this, how blessed I am to live where I live, with the opportunities that I have and the family, friends and community I have.  We have a warm home, plenty to eat, a decent job, and lots of good friends and support.  We live in a country where we have a lot of freedoms that many do not. We are indeed blessed.  Maybe it seems easy for me to talk about being content when I have so much to be thankful for, but wherever you're at, in whatever circumstances, I still believe that how we approach the every day situations and the attitude we have towards them makes all the difference.  How can people who have almost nothing still smile and give generously of the little they have?  By choice.  No matter  who we are, where we live or what challenges we face, we will never fully understand those who are not in our own position, or what challenges they face and how they affect them.  Something that is difficult for me could be super easy for the person next door.  We are all different and affected differently even by the same situations.   All we can do is look at where we are at and ask ourselves what it means to choose to be content in our own circumstances and to fully appreciate what we do have instead of always longing for that which we don't. 
      So as we enter this new year my prayer for each of you, and for myself, is that we would truly be able to see all that is offered to us and to live lives full of gratitude, love and hope.  The God I serve is bigger than my circumstances and is worthy of my trust and my faith.  He will not let us go. Wishing you all a year full opportunities to love and by loved by others,  and hearts that are able to receive all that is so lavishly given to us.  May you be able to see beyond the circumstances of the moment and see all there is to be  grateful for.  Happy 2017!  Below are just a few of the everyday moments I'm grateful for from this past year.