"Life moves too fast, enjoy it." "Savor the time when your children are little, you'll miss it soon enough." "Dishes and cobwebs will keep, but your little ones will not." "Embrace a messy house, life is too short not to." These and other similar sentiments are ones that I have both heard often and said myself, yet all good intentions aside, it's a lot easier said than done.
A couple of weeks ago on a lazy Sunday afternoon I found myself in a state of complete contement. My children and one of their close friends were joyfully playing together, my husband was happily occupied in some pursuit of knowledge or other, and a cozy fire burned in the pellet stove as the rain pelted the roof outside, which only added to the overall coziness of the afternoon. I climbed into our partially finished loft and newly christened play area to sort a few toys and survey the scene around me. It struck me as such a happy peaceful moment that I decided to commemorate it with a photograph. Here is where the trouble started.
As soon as I examined that picture I stopped noticing how happy and peaceful our home was and started up a to do list: A) Pick up empty wood pellet bag and throw it away. B) Clean out the chicks pen. C) Ask Seth when he's thinking we'll get to work fixing our bedroom door, covering the wall behind the couch, fixing the drywall, patching up the ceiling, finishing the bathroom and on and on and on. It was as if literal clouds rolled in and rain soaked my mood. All of the sudden my beautiful day was dashed on the rocks and every content being in my body was overshadowed by feelings of being overwhelmed and inadequate. Our home will never be done, I thought, and if it ever IS done, it will never feel organized and clean.
With all these thoughts crowding in I felt panic and despair creeping up, and then I stopped myself. I took a deep breath, and then another, and then I remembered why I took the picture in the first place. As I did so, I slowly backed myself down from a state of panic. The mess can wait and the house will get done, one thing at a time. However even if it doesn't, this time, right now, is perfect. One day my house will be clean and stay clean and my kids will have moved out. I will have more than even space and things can get organized, and I know with every fiber or my being that in those days I will ache to return to what I have right here and now. There is no need for me to hijack myself and ruin the time I have now. And then, not quite as quickly as it had come, my heart rate slowed, my anxiety went away and the joy of the day returned to me.
The details may be different, but I know I am not alone in this. Maybe you also can relate to this struggle. Perhaps you are not remodeling your home, yet still we can be over run by laundry and wish lists that ultimately lead to discontentment. Even without children the struggle to want things to be "just perfect" before you can really enjoy it all is real. Every magazine and Home improvement show tells us our "fairy tale home is just a DIY project away..." and while improvements can be great, let's not let them dictate to us when our lives are "done" enough to be enjoyed.
By nature I am not a procrastinator, never have been. I have always been one to "eat my veggies first" so to speak, so that I can fully enjoy the "best parts" after. I have always done my homework right away so I can play without it looming over my head, and as a grown woman and mother it is my instinct to clean and organize first for the greater enjoyment while relaxing later. Here in lies the problem. It NEVER ends. The messes never stop and nothing ever stays organized for long. I can spend so much time working on cleaning and picking up that I never get to stop and recharge, or enjoy the day with my children and husband.
In the summertime my solution to having messes made is often to not be home. Go to the river or the beach or go pick berries, and spend the day at the park or with a friend. These are all good and fine, but the laundry pile still climbs, bathrooms still need cleaned and dinner still has to be made. And so it goes. To help myself find balance in this area several years ago, when my children were still toddlers and the mess was even worse than it is now, and help harder to find, I set for myself a mental list each evening in order to "reset" the house so to speak. Do this, and no more. The list is basically clear the table and counters, do dishes and clean up the toys and clutter from the floor in the main living areas. A quick sweep and vacuum and then relax. This is mostly done once my kids are in bed and has helped me immensely. To this day I still do this, and in this way I can stop and relax in the evening while not having to wake up feeling 10 steps behind.
Yet still, on days like that Sunday in the midst of the mess of the day I must take a moment and remind myself of the beauty in the madness. Filling my mind with gratitude and contentment once again.
