"Today I feel inadequate. I feel tired, sad and overwhelmed. Today I don't want to be mom. I don't want to clean my house, put stuff away, set up the tent (which is wet from camping) or settle arguments. I definitely don't want to get out the paint spinner Mikaiah is begging me to play with.
I don't want to explain why I did something totally stupid (set up the tent in the wrong order - which as stated before I didn't want to do in the first place - and broke a pole.)
I don't want to cook dinner, think about cooking dinner, (not to mention lunch) and I don't want to talk to anyone under the age of 20. Today I want to be selfish and disappear and not do anything. But I won't . I will pick myself up and take care of my children and my house."
This is a journal entry I wrote this past monday at 10 am. I had woken up early to have quiet time, and my children woke up ten minutes later. I had not put away camping stuff or cleaned up from the day before (unusual for me, but I was too tired) and thus had a large mess and even bigger list of "to do's" than normal. At this point in the day I was completely discouraged. Then, as I was writing that last sentence a friend knocked on the door. She had come to ask if I could babysit her daughter, but upon seeing me changed her mind and prayed for me instead. Later a good friend came by with her girls (who entertained mine) and encouraged me as well. This is the grace of God in my life. Not that I am superhuman, or that I always have everything under control, but that he gives me the grace to do what I need to do and then blesses me abundantly on top of it - if I have the eyes to see it.
My day was not perfect from then on out, my children still argued and I spilled an entire box of baking soda on the kitchen floor, but I was strengthened from within and that was just what I needed that day. So glad to know I am never, ever alone.
Please note that I do not like sharing my flaws with everyone, I would rather pretend I have it all together, but that's not reality and I think we all need to know at times that we are not alone. We are all flawed and that's okay, because we have a perfect savior.